this is a fear that i need to get out, and won't let myself go off onto tangents of my other fears no matter how much i want to, this is only one

having only dated one guy, i don't really have any past experience to compare it to.  kind of, but that past guy before my actual ex didn't really count.  but lately i've found that i'm kind of afraid that i won't find someone who was as respectful and patient in terms of romantic/sexual stuff as he was.  he was really patient with me wanting to wait for that thing and was respectful with other things associated with that, and for some reason, i keep thinking "what if whoever else i date isn't like that?  what if i end up only dating assholes who try to pressure me to do stuff i don't want to?  what if, what if, what if, what if"
i don't really know how to deal with it, other than going out there and dating other people and finding out if my fears are true.
the logical part of my brain says "no you goddamn idiot, of course there will be other respectful people out there holy shit you gotta chill"
but the irrational part of my brain goes, "no you goddamn idiot, people are evil also you're bad at associating and maintaining new friendships so good luck not dying alone you fuckin idiot lmao"




so who knows what'll happen.

but he showed up in my dream again and i woke up angry again.