There are habits I have to let go of now. the urge to run my fingers through his hair, the urge to hug him at random moments, the urge to tell him i love him out of the blue. also the habitual urge to wait for him after school so i can see him before he goes home, or the urge to ask if he would be busy during the weekend so maybe we could go out. there are a lot of things i didn't realize i did so often when we were together that i now had to stop. i sat next to him today and felt a lot of those habits come up and it hurt me. he doesn't hurt me, but the memories hurt me, and the old feelings, and the fears of what will happen in the future. it's fear of losing touch, not only with him, but with everyone. all those people who i never want to lose touch with, who have helped me create such good memories, and who have helped me through difficult times without even realizing it. what if we stop talking? what if they become distant memories and one day 10 years down the road i see something that reminds me of them.
sometimes i see things that remind me of him, and i don't know what to do.
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